How I have succeeded myself...

If you were to see me as I was 2 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me as me. Even though I may be biased, I don't see my former self as someone who really needed maturing. Despite that, I did. Change is inevitable and it effects you. Life never stays the same because it can't. Not only is change a part of existence, it is a part of life that we, as a society, have enforced. Thinking about change, you have to take into consideration that sometimes you need a change. You need it because sometimes, staying in certain situations will kill you. And you can't live like that, now can you?

I was in the same situation for 91% of my life and had I not have taken contorl of the situation, I would still be in the same place. That is one way I have changed. I've taken control of my life and myself. I haven't learned responsibility, I've forced myself into it. I finally realized that what was happening to me was ending me and, even though I had no idea what I was doing, I stopped it. I saved myself. What I did sounds so simple on the surface, but actually going through it, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I left my home. You could ask almost anyone and they would all say the same thing: I took the easy way out. Rather than confronting the problem, I ran from it.

I didn't run. I saved myself.

That's one thing I've done. I've learned to stand up for myself to the extent that keeps me safe. I've learned a sense of self-preservation. I feel that that is the greatest difference between me now and me two years ago. I actually care about myself. I value my life.

Now that my priorities have adjusted, I understand myself and my relationships more thoroughly.

Extra Credit

Homework 9/23/10

antebellum-
The book is set in an antebellum time period.

bellicose-
The man was arrested due to his bellicose attitude.

belligerence-
The belligerence in the man's actions scared the children.

rebellion-
The students started a rebellion.

pacify-
The army worked to pacify the enemy.

pacifist-
The pacifist worked to stop the war.

pact-
Both sides of the war worked to create a pact.

appease-
It was difficult to appease the fussy baby.

What is Reading...

1. Eye movements reveal certain characteristics of a person’s reading skill.


2. The eyes will only take in as much as the mind can understand.

3. Poor readers will have a narrow eye-voice span because they are reading word by word.

4. Consonant sounds are more important than vowel sounds in word recognition.

5. Reading is a complex combination of physical, mechanical, and mental processes.

Autobiographical Narrative

Jennifer

Autobiographical Narrative Final Draft

Ms. Priester

English 10 Q1

7/16/10

My Biggest Decision

I was going to do it. I thought I knew what I was doing. I wanted to die and I was going to. I had it all planned out. The only thing I hadn’t planned on was someone saving me. My mom had always been abusive and it had gotten to the point where I could not take it anymore. I was afraid of my mom, I still am. But when it got to the point where I had to make a choice, I was more afraid than I had ever been.

I was walking to school, thinking, today was the day I was going to do it. I went through the school day in a daze, and come sixth period, I was eager for the end of the day; for my escape. When, towards the end of the period, I was pulled out of class, I was afraid. Had someone found me out? When I got to the office, there was a social worker waiting for me. Someone had told, just not about my suicide plans. They had told on my mom. Looking back now, I could have lied. I could have told the worker that everything was fine, go home, and carry out my plans. But that had not come to mind at the time. I just told the truth. I told them everything that had happened; the way I was treated, and, to tell the whole story, what I was going to do that day. When I told her that final detail, and showed her the notebook in which I had written the specifics, she believed my story. Both school and city police were brought in and I had to repeat my story. After an hour or two of questioning, I was taken to Palomar Hospital, and from there I was taken to Mesa Vista Hospital. I was only beginning to see the enormity of what I had just done.

My stay at Mesa Vista lasted a week. It was really weird for me being in a mental hospital. My friend had been there before, but I felt out of place. Everyday, my father and my grandmother came to visit me. That didn’t make me any more comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad to have them around, but I was not used to their presence. My mom had always kept me from them and I did not know them all too well. Still, it made me feel a little bit better about my current situation. They made me feel as if I was not completely alone. My roommates helped too. They were involved in completely different situations, but they were normal teenagers. People who had normal problems, just escalated. I saw a psychologist daily and the day before I left he told me that the next day, my mom would be taking me to YMCA Oz, a transitional group home that was meant to prepare teens leaving the hospital for returning to their homes. My stay at Oz was going to be two weeks long.

I was afraid that day. It was the first time I had seen my mom since I had left her house. My fears were useless. Through the entire drive from Kearny Mesa to Oceanside, my mom did not say a word to me. Through the interview process and moving my stuff into the house, she never even acknowledged my presence. I was grateful for that. Then she left, and I was alone again. I did not miss her when she left, it was just the sense of familiarity that I wanted. Even though I was not alone at Oz, I was isolated. No one wanted to be around me, and sadly enough, I was okay with that. I accepted it. I welcomed it. I had spent all of my life on my own so it was nothing new. I had therapy with my mom once a week and both sessions included my mom yelling, threatening to kill herself, then her walking out. When my two weeks were up, I knew I could not go back. Once I had told the social worker about my home life three weeks earlier, I knew I could not go back. At the end of my residence at Oz, when my mom came to pick me up, I refused to go with her.

When I refused to go home, I was taken to an assessment center where I spent an afternoon filling out surveys regarding my mental health and my past with my mother. At the end of the day, I was taken to Casa de Amparo, a group home in Oceanside at the Mission San Luis Rey. When I arrived at Casa, I had been out of the home for three weeks . At this point, I was used to being out of the house. It was good that I was getting adjusted because I knew that I would never be going back. By now, I was actually set on moving in with my dad in Kearny Mesa. During my stay at Casa, I was given the opportunity to tour San Pasqual Academy. Although I had not been able to form my own opinion of SPA, my roommate despised the place. Based on her idea of where my social worker was trying to get me to go, I started out with a biased outlook. When I took the tour, I viewed everything in a negative manner, only because my roommate gave me the idea that SPA would not be a place where I could be happy. After the tour, I was dead set against going there. A representative from V and Daughters, a group home in Mira Mesa, came to interview me and because I was so against going to SPA I decided to go to this new group home. I had spent only two months in the foster care system when I moved.

I spent only two weeks at V and Daughters. There were three other girls in my house and one of them did whatever she could to upset me. I was miserable there and it was not just my home life that was depressing me. School was much worse. I hated the school so much that I only attended one day, and by the end of that day, I was crying. I had never been the new kid in my life, and the first time that I was I could not handle it. I hadn’t ever felt so hopeless. Because I was so unhappy I decided I had to get out and I finally agreed to go to San Pasqual Academy.

Upon my arrival at SPA I was again afraid. This was my third placement since I had entered the system, but this time was different. Both of my prior residencies were small places with just a couple of kids. SPA is a large campus with over one hundred students, and I did not know anyone. It was Mira Mesa High all over again. Eventually, though, I made a couple of friends and began to feel comfortable here. I have therapy and three times I had conjoint sessions with my mom. Those were the worst hours I had experienced since leaving the home. In the last one, my mom told me that “she never wanted anything to do with me again” and that if I were to show up on her doorstep in twenty years to introduce her to her grandchildren she would tell me to “go the hell away.” Other than my mom’s increased hostility towards me, I’ve been relatively happy since I came to SPA.

My decision to leave my mom was the best thing that I have ever done for myself. This experience has changed my entire life. It may have taken away everything that was familiar to me, but it gave me a whole new way of living. It has also changed my outlook on everything. In the beginning, I had been afraid, afraid that I was making a mistake. Although I was afraid that I may have made a mistake, I was more afraid that I had made the right choice; afraid that for once I was in control of my own life.

Final Check In Letter

Dear Ms. Priester,

Prior to coming to this class, I kind of had a negative experience in my English classes. I did not do much work and because I didn't really care about it. I failed tests and I didn't turn in work. Once I was in foster care I realized that I need to care about my school work. I started really working hard and actually working up to my potential. Prior to coming to this class I had only a basic understanding of English and Language Arts. Throughout 9th grade I was a horrible English student. I literally did nothing. The only things that I even attempted to do were the easy little things that interested me. One of my biggest problems was essays. I hated essays with a passion. I was weird in the way that I actually was learning in class, I just didn't show it. I payed attention in class, I just didn't turn in any work. In the beginning of my sophmore year, I was starting to care about my work. I started to work harder to turn in assignments. Still, I had a problem with procrastinating. I paid even more attention in class and I did whatever I could to make sure my assignments were turned in on time.

I don't know exactly what changed but when I left my home in 2009 I started to not only work harder but also to actually care. When I came to San Pasqual Academy and I realized hat I wouldn't be returning to my school, Escondido High School. I think that when I realized this, I knew that I needed to leave my old life behind me, especially my slacking ways. I saw being here as a new opportunity to start over. I became concerned with my future. I knew that I was a crucial part in my education and that if I didn't care about it, why should anyone else? I wouldn't get help if I didn't ask for it and it wasn't even that I needed help with the work; I needed help with myself.

Indirectly, through this class I have learned to care. Through your difficult curriculum I have learned that I really need to push myself if I want to succeed. I want to say thank you for all that you have taught me and that I will miss your class next year, whether I remain her at SPA or I move in with my dad.

-Jennifer Morris

I Could Have Stopped This

She was on this street (Stanley Avenue) because she came to my house to walk to school with me. If only I had been home, I could have been with her. If only I had called her like I had planned on doing. The only reason I didn't call her was because I was stupid and lazy and I didn't want to walk up the hill to her driveway. There are so many ways I could have prevented what happened and I hate myself for not doing what I could have. I was being a bad friend because we had been fighting over something and I that's another reason why I didn't call her, because I was being stubborn and close-minded. She had even told me once that she didn't want to walk alone. I always called her to walk with her and, if I had that day, it's possible that none of this would have happened. If I had called she wouldn't have walked up our street to my house and she never would have been in John Gardner's path.